oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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