so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
