I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize