the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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