I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
