Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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