listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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