I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
