i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
