You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I want to fling myself into the sun
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
