I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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