Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
