somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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