Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We left an ass print on the piano.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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