My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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