you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
