you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
