Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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