reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
