So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize