I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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