Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
