god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i came on her dog
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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