Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize