It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
