im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
