mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
