Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize