after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
