he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
