Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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