I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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