their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So many bounce houses so little time
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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