I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
