But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I love you.
Bad choice
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
