I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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