i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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