Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
