This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize