I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
