i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
