Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
