LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize