Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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