All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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