Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize