As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
