She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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