Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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