as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
