this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
