There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
