Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
