did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
