i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
