he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
