well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize