Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize