I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
