Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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