I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
