He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
