omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize