I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
